He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
