i just google imaged poop.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
