i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
