Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
