My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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