Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
