i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
