it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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