i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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