That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he puts the penis in happiness.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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