dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
