I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
