I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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