The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think your dad took our porno
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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