okay pat passed out under dana's car
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
