If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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