dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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