Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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