my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
