the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
