hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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