I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
