So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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