what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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