So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
