How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
