People in love make me want to vomit
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
