Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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