ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
