i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
