my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
