And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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