He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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