Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
