so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
