I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
