i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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