my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
