I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
