you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Randomize
