I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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