oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
