the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
