Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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