So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
