i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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