i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
