How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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