it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
