Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
