forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
