Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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